The Perth Lunchbox

One of the delights following cricket around Australia is experiencing life in the different states, cities and stadiums that you spend your time in. Because of the huge distances & the flights involved it sometimes feels like you're travelling from country to country. And while there are differences between a day out at Lord's and a days cricket at The Oval it's not like it is over here where all the big five have something unique about them.

Brisbane has the Gabbatoir. A brutal, imposing and graceless stadium that has shades of the colosseum about it. There is no skyline, no point of difference and no escaping the barracking spectators who surround you from on high and from all corners.

Adelaide has history & the most picturesque ground in the world. Situated on the banks of the Adelaide river, with tree lined paths, lush green parks, a cathedral at one end and a bronze statue of Don Bradman outside. It's an idyllic ground and with the square boundaries so short you feel you can almost touch the batsmen.

Perth has a wild west feel. A frontier town miles from anywhere with a spit & sawdust approach to its ground. It's not pretty, the stands and pavilion look disjointed & outdated but the ugliness is part of its appeal. While it's track offers more pace and bounce than anywhere else in Australia.

Melbourne is one of only two 'proper' cities. It has a relaxed & confident ambience, a culture of small bars and outdoor cafes and its imposing 98,000 seater stadium which casts its shadow over the city. It has the traditional Boxing Day Test which will be quite some sight when this series rolls into town.

While Sydney has the swagger, the Opera House, the Bridge and the wow-factor. Its ground retains some of the old charm with its traditional and ladies pavilion but can still fit in over 45,000 spectators. It's also the pitch that offers spin and carry. A result wicket to round the series off.

But there are also the more subtle differences, the ones that don't always spring to mind or become immediately apparent the moment your plane touches down. The people you encounter on an evening out, the mannerisms or accents, the weather and the entertainment. And of course the food.

For the paying punter food at cricket grounds in this country differs little whether you're watching state cricket in Brisbane or Ashes cricket in Perth. Pies, chips and mid-strength beer are the order of the day and all your waterproof buck is going to get you. But for the press boys it's a different story. The lunches on offer can become thing of legend. And during particularly tiresome passages of play the focal point of the day. And just like the Aussie team on this tour when they're good they're really good. But when they're bad............

With the Aussie lead now approaching 400 and this game out of sight for the English let's take the opportunity to turn away from the action and have a look at what really matters. How the three grounds have compared so far in the luncheon stakes.

Brisbane

Boasted a hot buffet option & indoor setting that wasn't out of place in a corporate function. Proper cutlery, sit down facilities, ice cold drinks and a selection of dishes that kept you interested right up until day five. Then after lunch ice creams were in plentiful supply. Basil 'Jamie' D'Oliveira rating. Five stars.

Adelaide

Also offered a buffet option & on days when I'd gone without breakfast I'd arrive half-starved and in the crush grab everything which took my fancy. It meant that I'd often sit down with strange combination lunches featuring lamb stew, rice a couple of chicken breasts coated in plum sauce & a lamb chop. It was great.

The only minus was that the marquee setting had a temporary feel & the lack of air-con meant that I was forced to wolf down my food as quickly as possible. And while the food itself was also a drop downwards in terms of selection and quality it was still hearty tucker as I believe it is described in these parts. Basil 'Jamie' D'Oliveira rating. Four stars.

Perth

My initial concern came at the stroke of lunch when the press boys were informed that instead of going to the food the food would be coming to us. "But how will I select from the hot buffet if I can't leave our seats" I wondered.

My second concern came twenty minutes later when there was still no sight of the food.

My third concern came ten minutes after this when this strange black box was put on my desk.

My fourth concern came when I began to eat it. This concern didn't last very long because I stopped eating fairly quickly.

So let's take a little look inside The Perth Lunchbox. It seems that on a typical day it is split up into five sections. Section one is a piece of meat. I'm writing this on day three and I'm still not sure what was served up on day one. It looked a little like pate, had the consistency of corned beef and the taste of an in-grown toenail.

Section two is a salad. Today's salad is four large hunks of beetroot doused in what looks like beetroot juice.

Section three is a roll. I can't find too much to write about with this section.

Section four is perhaps the best of the lot. Three cheeses and some water biscuits with a sprinkling of hazelnuts and walnuts. Unfortunately I don't like cheese. Or walnuts. So that's out.

Then section five is the pudding. Which today was a stodgy slice of raisin & pastry pie.

I'm glad there isn't a section six.

Basil 'Jamie' D'Oliveira rating. One star.

And so for a myriad of reasons roll on Sydney & Melbourne!