Travelling tittle-tattle, tall tales and shameless name-dropping by Jon ‘Don’t Call Me’ Norman

About Me

Monday, 29 February 2016

Down by the river

I was recently in a car with a work colleague on the way to a function a few hours out of London. We spent the time discussing the many changes taking place, talking sport and generally putting the world to rights.

As these things do it ended up with us moaning about one thing or the other. Then as one of my mini-rant monologues came to an end he paused, muttered something in agreement and said "how often do you get bored?"

And he was right. If there is one thing you can say about the industry we find ourselves in boredom is rarely experienced. Frustration, annoyance, anger are part of life like in any occupation. But boredom? Not likely.

Three weeks ago I found myself celebrating a hat trick in a Dubai cricket ground surrounded by Pakistani fans. My only concern how to smuggle in a bagful of recording equipment. 

Today I am producing a fishing show by a lake near Reading. My concern this time? Whether I'm ever going to get the mud out of my trousers and debating the chances of TalkSPORT paying my dry cleaning bill.

Friday, 5 February 2016

Used to be the apple of my eye

What was the moment you realised Apple had disappeared up its own arse?

For me it happened yesterday; though its been building for a while.  The lack of storage space on my iPhone is the most frustrating thing.  It's horrible having to wipe smiling photos of my nephews every time I want to use the camera, update an app or listen to some music.  It's like they are talking to me as I press delete saying "don't make us disappear.  Why are you removing us from your life, Jonny?"

Then there's the constant battle with its depleting battery life, the way charging appliances has become a bigger part of daily routine than seeing the in-laws, the random manner iCloud saves some things and not others, poor reception, freezing screen, you name it it's annoying.

But the tipping point came yesterday after I needed to buy a new charger cable.  With a few hours free I popped along to the impressively sized Mall of the Emirates in Dubai.  It's not a small place.

I located the Apple store on the ground map.  Level 2 it said.  Although it didn't make any mention of any of the other shops near it.  But hey, I had time to kill, I was in no rush.  And so I set off.  And I walked.  And I walked.  And I found another map which told me the same thing.  And I walked some more.  And eventually I completed a full circuit without locating the place.

"Maybe it's shut down" I figured.  That would be annoying.  

In the end I gave up and just asked somebody.  He pointed in the general direction of a museum I'd walked past three times.  I figured I'd missed a turn off.  And then I looked inside and realised that the modern art museum I'd mistaken it for was in fact the Apple Store.

How could I be so stupid?  

Well, maybe if the pretentious bastards had bothered to put a bloody sign on the front of the building I wouldn't have been.  

I mean, really?  You take yourself so bloody seriously you think you can put your store in the middle of one of the biggest malls in the world and not bother putting any branding on the front?  Do you really think you're customers are going to put up with having to buy an ordinance survey map just to have the privilege of spending money at your shop?

What a bunch of iTwats.