It'll be okay

Some people shout, some people scream, some take it out on others, some keep it inside, some punch walls, some punch others, some people jump, some people drink, some people hide and some people just don't know what to do.

The day I finished my dissertation and with two hours to get it submitted in time I remember staring at my printer almost paralysed with rage as it steadfastly refused to spit out the work I had churned out over the previous 26 hours of toil.  As I turned towards my bedroom window overlooking a rundown Hull street my mind rattled through the options.

Shout, scream, take it out on someone else, punch a wall, punch a human, jump out the window, head to the pub, crawl under my bed or, and there the options ran out.  I just didn't know how to get rid of the all consuming frustration that had enveloped me.  Thankfully not long after the printer spluttered back into life but the thought process I went through at that time has always stuck with me.

Most who suffer know the triggers that can lead to extended or severe periods of anxiety which in turn often make life unbearable and sometimes painful to endure.  Excessive alcohol, work pressure, lack of sleep, relationship problems or even just being hungry.  Or an impending 12 hour flight to an unfamiliar airport and seven weeks away from a pregnant wife and two year old son.  Yeah, that'll do it.

Therapists often ask patients to write down the physical symptoms experienced when suffering from anxiety.  Sweaty palms, racing heart, dry throat.  None of these will be of surprise.  Then there is the feeling that the digestive system is being squeezed. Unpleasant.  Nearly as nasty as the feeling it'll never end.

Just as the symptoms are familiar so are the remedies.  At least partial remedies.  Cutting out alcohol, cutting down on caffeine, exercise, talking to someone about the problem or just dedicating some time to go through the work, correspondence, admin that needs to be done and doing it.  All help.

As does writing.  As does experience of knowing it will get better.  That in a few days all will be well with the world again.  It's not going to last forever.  It'll be okay.