Aussies have a drinking problem

 

Aussies have a drinking problem

I've been in Perth for five days now and the pain from that last day in Adelaide stubbornly refuses to diminish.  Most of you know that horrible feeling when we get knocked out of the football World Cup.  Everyone mopes around for a few days, cusses the person who missed the penalty and tries to believe it'll ever be different.  But as bad as that is, it doesn't take too long to forget all about it and move on.  I'm in no position to 'forget all about it'.  I'm signed up to the next three Tests whatever happens.  Argh!!!!!! 

 

So, the last thing I thought I'd spend my weekend doing was watching cricket. 



But that's where I've been as I step up my assault on planet sun and its harmful rays.  My tan sucks at the moment.  I've been so wary of it that I'm probably paler than when I left London.  So the last two days have been spent lying prone on the banks of the Waca cricket ground.  Apparently England have been playing in a friendly.  And shock horror, they didn't lose!  But I spent most of my time going man v galactic star and ultimate provider of life.  There can only be one winner.

 

My immediate impressions of Perth aren't completely favourable.  I'd expected quite a lot but as of yet I haven't been over enamoured.  It's got the weather and it's pretty laid back but I'm struggling to find any real character to the place. 

 

Although I did visit a mental bar on Friday called Hula Bula, apparently it's where that South Pacific Bar in Kennington, where we went for Rachel's 30^th, is based.  It sells legal loopy juice.  I bought a $30 cocktail when I got in there and I can't remember much else from the evening.  However my legendary 'never knowing where the fuck I am' kicked in.  As I stumbled around Perth I chanced upon my street at about 3am.  Result!  I then proceeded to walk in completely the wrong direction for a good hour.  You know when you know you're going the wrong way but you steadfastly refuse to change direction?  That's what I was doing.  In the end I had to be rescued by this bloke I'd met earlier in the evening.  He re-directed his cab to come pick me up and a night spent in the not so local park was averted.

 

It was a messy end to what had been one of the healthiest days of my trip.  Since my surfing trip the most exercise I'd managed was the standing up I'd done throughout the Adelaide Test match.  It's good for the calves.  But on the Friday I had booked a trip to Rottnest Island.  So called because the Dutch explorers who'd named it did so because they thought it was infested by rats.  Urgh!  In fact, it's infested by these rare creatures that only resemble rats.  Yay!  Aren't they cute!?  So off I went with a couple of lads, Nathan and Gaz. 

 

We'd booked a ferry over and also hired three bikes.  Maybe I've been hanging around with Dicky and Dave D too long, but I was pretty startled by the sheer unfashionability of my 2-wheeled monster.  We'd had to put down a $25 deposit in case we cycled them off a cliff.  You'd have been lucky to pay someone $25 to take this piece of scrap off you. 

 

However after tootling around Rottnest for a while I realised that you didn't have to look cool to be cool. 





Added to the fact that there wasn't anyone around to point, stare and throw things as I cycled past, I eventually came to the realisation that all bikes should look like mine.  It was a sad end to the day when we had parted company. And I could only console myself by going for a spot of snorkelling.

 

But anyway, back to the cricket.  'Hurrah!'  I hear you cry.  Today's action was pretty damn funny.  Around 2pm, as one of the guys rotated me on the homemade spit I'd made for myself, I caught a glimpse of one of the ground staff in a spot of trouble.  He was trying to push an entire crate of soft drinks up a hill.  But he'd got halfway up before he realised he didn't have the strength to get them the whole way up.  Drinks started spilling off the crate, and he had to radio security for assistance. 

 

Alerted to this wonderfully funny passage of play I raised the alarm.  Not in a way that proved in any way beneficial to this poor dude, rather I got everyone alongside me to laugh at him.  And so we did.  And I took these pictures. 

 

However, before you think I'm a totally heartless bastard, if you look at the top photo, in the bottom right hand corner, you'll see the head of one Barmy Army member who did rush to his aid.  But once he got there the worker told him to stand back as if he'd got hurt in the crush they couldn't pay the insurance.  Ha ha!!!!!!  So we all sat back and had a good laugh at his expense instead.  It's the little things in life…..

 

But it doesn't end there!  Because not two hours later as I swapped positions in the stadium so I could face the sun and I saw this!

 

Ha ha ha!!!!!  Two in one day.  Maybe Perth will be okay after all.  And when I return from my 3-day trip down the coast I'll be sure to let you know.  I'm heading off early doors tomorrow morning.  I'm going to some places I can't remember the names of to do things that won't be nearly as amusing as watching a bloke spill drinks everywhere.  Then it's back to Perth on Wednesday night as the third Test starts on Thursday.  I can't wait………..