What time
will this match finish / Do I want to go out tonight / Has that money gone in
or out my account / What’s for lunch / Any chance of a wicket / Is there
anything on my to-do list that I can do / How will the sunburnt and drunk
spectators feel when they wake up tomorrow morning / Why can’t batsmen bat any
more / The shadows are starting to appear around the ankles of the players / Is
that a rain cloud on the horizon / England have been lucky / England have been
unlucky / Have children ever come to Test matches or was it just me / How many
football matches can you fit into a five Test series / God, it looks cold out
there / How is there still 42 overs left in the day / How was that not given
out / It’s hot in here / Half the crowd here look bored out of their minds /
I’ve eaten too much sugar today / What’s the football score / What’s the
weather like tomorrow / What can I write about / Back to back Tests are a
killer / I wonder if I could take a day off in the Oval Test and spend it with
my family getting drunk watching the cricket / That’s a strange fielding position
/ I could do with a cup of tea / Wonder if I have enough time to go for a wee
before the end of the advert break / What are New Zealand’s fixtures in 2020 / What time will I get home tomorrow / When will I see Franklin next
About Me
Monday, 28 January 2019
Tuesday, 22 January 2019
talkSPORT Tour Diary
It’s been a
terrific few days in Barbados with the talkSPORT team reunited after a
Christmas apart. Our two month tour
across Sri Lanka brought us all close together and there were big grins and
even bigger hugs all round when the likes of Neil Manthorp and Darren Gough
arrived.
Possibly this
was more to do with the relief of their long journey from South Africa being
over than the pleasure of seeing Andrew Mckenna and Jarrod KImber. But it was a lively first evening out with
plenty of tales from the tour we’ve just completed.
One man who
wasn’t looking so happy is young Producer Sam Ellard. Sam is known as a talk-first-think-later type
of guy and it had landed him in trouble. During the back end of the tour to Sri
Lanka he agreed to a bet that he soon regretted.
Sam would be
the first to admit he could do with losing a pound or two and thought it would
be wise to challenge former professional sports man Matt Prior to a contest
called #talksportsbiggestloser. Whoever
arrived in Barbados having shed the most weight would be taken out to one of
Barbados’s most expensive joints.
When a
restaurant on Barbados is known as expensive you know you’d better start
extending the overdraft. The day after I
arrived I was charged £8 for two litres of milk. I thought my jet lag was playing tricks with
me it wasn’t just the milk. A packet of
corn chips is more than a fiver and a steak will set you back £13. Let’s hope the talkSPORT bean counters aren’t
reading this.
Either way Gareth
Batty, who will be part of the team for the limited overs leg, was so confident
Sam wouldn’t be able to cash the cheque his mouth had tried to pay offered to
front up the money for the entire 12 strong team if Matt lost. Suffice to say his money is safe.
Fair play to
Sam though when the big day came he fronted up.
He was thankful that Matt has decided not to drink this tour so when the
bill came in it wasn’t anywhere near as horrendous as Sam had feared.
Aside from
Sam losing the shirt off his back it’s been a wonderful week. Every member of the talkSPORT team is a
cricket tragic and for many it has been a first experience of visiting the
Kensington Oval.
Just walking
past the famous statue of Sir Garfield Sobers, then across the lush green
outfield where the names of the legendary figures leap out at you from the
stands is enough to give us all goose bumps.
From the
first black man to captain the West Indies, a man who reshaped the identity of
the side forever, Sir Frank Worrell, to the most fearsome opening duo to ever
play the game, Gordon Greenidge and Desmond Haynes, to the bowler who looked up
to no man, Joel Garner. A reminder that
Barbados has provided our wonderful sport with some of the best to ever play
the game.
With stadium
facilities and view of the pitch nearly as impressive as some of those who’ve
represented Barbados and the West Indies we are an excited bunch less than a
day out from the 1st Test. We
hope that this enjoyment and delight is apparent when we take to the airwaves
on Wednesday.
Friday, 18 January 2019
American eavesdropper
I spent a lot of time listening to other people on my flight to Barbados. And I found it fascinating.
It's been 14 years since I was last in America. Fourteen years since I stood outside LAX smoking a cigarette laughing with relief that I had managed to get away from that place without getting my head kicked in. That's a story for another day.
Not that this is why I didn't go back. Life just took another turn. And I suppose after visiting four times in six years I felt I'd see other parts of the world. Unlike South America, Africa and Australasia, work hasn't required me to go.
So here I am in-situ in America. On my own with nobody to talk to and sitting in among a people who love to do exactly that, and loudly.
It didn't take long to remember that there are subtle differences between Americans and any other Western culture. Take the bar I was sat at in LAX the morning of my flight to Miami. It was 6am and I was having an early morning beverage.
A guy sat down to the left of me and studied the menu. He has short very blond hair, a strange nose and late twenties. He called a waiter over and asked "are the biscuits and gravy good?" The waiter pulled a face. "Good answer" the guy said and ordered an American breakfast with extra bacon instead.
Soon after an older gentleman sat down and the first guy passed on the advice of the waiter. The older man was in denim, with longish dark hair and a creased, tanned face. He ordered the American breakfast as well. He didn't say anything but when it arrived he probably regretted not ordering extra bacon.
The two picked up a conversation in that effortless way Americans do. They talked rapidly, clearly, at length and predominantly about themselves. They asked each other very few questions. Just took it in turns to talk. And at the end they went their separate ways.
In that time I learned that the older gentleman had been to every state in America and while well traveled the younger man had never left the country. That the guy who ordered extra bacon was a 3D printer technician who would drive anywhere up to 16 hours to reach a client. Anything over that he would fly. And that after being punched badly in a fight he had trouble with his ear. A problem that was sometimes exacerbated by flying.
I found it strange that the older guy let this comment pass without a response.
Watching them also reminded me Americans eat in an almost childlike way. Both used their knifes to chop up their food in advance of eating it. Making it easy for them to just use a fork to scoop up their breakfast. I only do that when I'm eating spaghetti.
On board the flight to Miami I sat behind a thin woman with dark hair and bad skin. Not exactly behind. She was one to the left of me. She was one row behind Business Class so had a screen on the wall in front of her that she perched her iPhone 8. I noticed she was watching episodes of the Kardashians.
She was having a conversation with the guy sat next to her but he soon went to sleep. I zoned out and it was only an hour or so later that I noticed the woman again because through the gap in the seat I could clearly see her flicking through the photos on her phone and recognised a boat journey she must have taken recently on the Thames. Starved of anything interesting to look at or think about I was already looking on with interest when she started zooming in on pictures of herself in bikinis.
As ways to pass the time on board a flight this was one of the more memorable but after five minutes of so she went back to watching the Kardashians and I soon lost interest again.
We landed in Miami and while waiting for the doors to open she struck up a conversation again with her neighbour. She told him how London was "a lot of fun" for a week and she got loads of great "content" but then got frustrated by the fact "it got dark at 3.30pm". How she'd gone to Los Angeles to visit and decided to stay for good "I called my flatmate and paid them to send all my stuff". That she was "super excited" about her upcoming trip to the Bahamas. "I can't believe it's only three hours away and I've never been". And that Japan was majorly on her to-do list because of this. I liked her loads more when she said that.
It's been 14 years since I was last in America. Fourteen years since I stood outside LAX smoking a cigarette laughing with relief that I had managed to get away from that place without getting my head kicked in. That's a story for another day.
Not that this is why I didn't go back. Life just took another turn. And I suppose after visiting four times in six years I felt I'd see other parts of the world. Unlike South America, Africa and Australasia, work hasn't required me to go.
So here I am in-situ in America. On my own with nobody to talk to and sitting in among a people who love to do exactly that, and loudly.
It didn't take long to remember that there are subtle differences between Americans and any other Western culture. Take the bar I was sat at in LAX the morning of my flight to Miami. It was 6am and I was having an early morning beverage.
A guy sat down to the left of me and studied the menu. He has short very blond hair, a strange nose and late twenties. He called a waiter over and asked "are the biscuits and gravy good?" The waiter pulled a face. "Good answer" the guy said and ordered an American breakfast with extra bacon instead.
Soon after an older gentleman sat down and the first guy passed on the advice of the waiter. The older man was in denim, with longish dark hair and a creased, tanned face. He ordered the American breakfast as well. He didn't say anything but when it arrived he probably regretted not ordering extra bacon.
The two picked up a conversation in that effortless way Americans do. They talked rapidly, clearly, at length and predominantly about themselves. They asked each other very few questions. Just took it in turns to talk. And at the end they went their separate ways.
In that time I learned that the older gentleman had been to every state in America and while well traveled the younger man had never left the country. That the guy who ordered extra bacon was a 3D printer technician who would drive anywhere up to 16 hours to reach a client. Anything over that he would fly. And that after being punched badly in a fight he had trouble with his ear. A problem that was sometimes exacerbated by flying.
I found it strange that the older guy let this comment pass without a response.
Watching them also reminded me Americans eat in an almost childlike way. Both used their knifes to chop up their food in advance of eating it. Making it easy for them to just use a fork to scoop up their breakfast. I only do that when I'm eating spaghetti.
On board the flight to Miami I sat behind a thin woman with dark hair and bad skin. Not exactly behind. She was one to the left of me. She was one row behind Business Class so had a screen on the wall in front of her that she perched her iPhone 8. I noticed she was watching episodes of the Kardashians.
She was having a conversation with the guy sat next to her but he soon went to sleep. I zoned out and it was only an hour or so later that I noticed the woman again because through the gap in the seat I could clearly see her flicking through the photos on her phone and recognised a boat journey she must have taken recently on the Thames. Starved of anything interesting to look at or think about I was already looking on with interest when she started zooming in on pictures of herself in bikinis.
As ways to pass the time on board a flight this was one of the more memorable but after five minutes of so she went back to watching the Kardashians and I soon lost interest again.
We landed in Miami and while waiting for the doors to open she struck up a conversation again with her neighbour. She told him how London was "a lot of fun" for a week and she got loads of great "content" but then got frustrated by the fact "it got dark at 3.30pm". How she'd gone to Los Angeles to visit and decided to stay for good "I called my flatmate and paid them to send all my stuff". That she was "super excited" about her upcoming trip to the Bahamas. "I can't believe it's only three hours away and I've never been". And that Japan was majorly on her to-do list because of this. I liked her loads more when she said that.
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