We've been living in our flat for nearly a year now and it's as good as it gets.
I mean the flat itself is pretty small. Decent sized living room for two people. We've squeezed in six people for entertainment purposes. We were doing the entertaining. We didn't do it just to see what the room looked like with that many people inside.
Nice bedroom, kitchen and bathroom. Enough storage for me and nearly enough for Fe. And the location is second to none which for South London is often a problem. Five mins from Clapham Junction, ten mins from the tube, bus stop into town right outside the house, bus stops from Central London, West London and pretty much everywhere in the very closest of vicinities. 25 mins from work. 25 mins from the parents. 25 mins from pretty much everywhere. And the area is safe enough, community spirit is evident and it's street enough to feel safe, street and part of what's going down. It's all good.
But in the past week and a half I've started having fears that it's all about to change.
I've worked throughout the Christmas and New Year period. It's one of the drawbacks of being self-employed and working in the sports media. My tax is due and football goes into overdrive. It's not something I complain about and in a way it's the most attractive time of the year to be working in London. Because most of the people who live here don't actually come from the city itself. So by the time Xmas comes along they bugger off back up north to their nice country cottage and to take part in the New Years Day hunt leaving the public transport system to take a nice breather and allow those using it to put their feet up for once.
However come last Sunday, the last Sunday before work started up again, it was time for everyone in England to rest up and take it easy. The first working week of a new working year awaited. A day traditionally associated with depositing browned Christmas trees outside the house, throwing out the Radio Times (highlighted TV shows and all), resetting the alarm on the phone, running a bath and counting up the days til payday - did New Years really cost that much? No matter. Sunday 4th January, up and down the country was the one day in the entire calender singularly devoted to rest.
Unless of course you live underneath my flat and decide it's the perfect time to throw a party.
It's not that the music was particularly loud. Nor that they were being overtly raucous. It's more that there's no soundproofing between our flat and their's. We could hear the voices, we could hear the cheering, we could hear every sodding thing. It's a nightmare because the problem lies in the poorly built soundproofing between floors. Going downstairs and asking them to whisper wasn't going to work any more than questioning why they'd decided that tonight of all night's was the one they'd decided to host a party.
We both dropped off to sleep around 1am but only after Fe had put on her noise restricting headphones and I'd promised myself that a trip to the ear plug store awaited in the morning.
Fast forward a week and I can hear them once more. I remind myself it's only 9pm on a Friday night and they are more than within their rights. Hell, I've turned my own music up to such a level that they can probably hear it more than there own tinny garage. 'The Ting Tings, Elbow & the ever reliable Smashing Pumpkins' being my music of choice before you ask. But how long can I put up with it?
It's affected me more than I thought it would. On the way home from work this week I've been sub-consciously fretting that another evening was about to be ruined. Only to get back and find everything has gone back to normal. Peace on earth retained. But for how long?
About Me
Friday, 9 January 2009
Thursday, 18 December 2008
The Florist
I can't be the only person to have googled my own name. Surely everyone out there has found themselves alone at their terminal at work and has quickly typed in their name whilst furtively glancing around the office to make sure they aren't caught. Is there a Jon Norman Dot Com? Is there someone famous somewhere with the same name? Are they moaning about you again on an internet forum? I am so over that, honest!
I may have mentioned it in a previous post that there's a Jonathan Norman out there who was sent to prison after he was found guilty of planning to rape Steven Spielburg. Spookily there was also a John Norman whose love of cricket meant he recorded Garfield Sobers world famous six sixes in an over. And then there's me. The one who appears when you type in the words Jon Norman talkSPORT.
Several pages come up where my name is mentioned alongside my cricket reporting work. There's a couple of links to the talkSPORT unofficial page. There's even an interview with Steve Morgan, my former producer on Ian Wright's Drivetime Show where he jokily refers to me being his tea-boy. All of which I've seen in the past.
However the other day I had another look and found something quite unexpected. Something new that I hadn't come across before. Something very recent. Something by somebody I have known for a very long time.
It was a conversation on a lower league football clubs messageboard between four or five fans looking ahead to the weekend's game. A match to be reported on for talkSPORT by me. The game in question took place last month between Southend & Stockport County.
As my old Uni friend Manky Jon is a lifelong Stockport fan I thought I'd tap him for some info in the build up to the game. And he duly obliged with an indepth guide to the team's fortunes, the players to look out for and even included some useful info about the club. The kind of info only a true fan knows. Or pretends to.
....."Michael Rose is a skilful fullback who has the ability to score some rude free kicks. He is also a keen horticulturist and has a chain of local florists"......
All good stuff and I took all this on board and went to the game fully prepared for any eventuality. I was slightly concerned that my Southend knowledge was lacking somewhat. If needed how would it be possible to compare the off field business affairs of the home players with that of their northern opponents? But I looked forward to using a couple of the snippets I'd been handed.
As it was the situation where I could have mentioned Michael Rose's entrepreunereal skills failed to materialise and it proved to be a faily uneventful 1-1 draw. Indeed it's unlikely the game will ever warrant anything more than a couple of lines in an end of season review. And it had started to slip from my mind when I stumbled upon this Stockport messageboard.
I was smiling throughout until I read the final line.
2. I may have given him a little bit - just a little tiny bit - of misinformation to see if he'll use it. Stuff like Michael Rose is a keen horticulturalist and owns a string of florists...
------------------------
Ha ha! Cheeky bastardo. It appears my trustworthy nature had been taken advantage of. Although thankfully I'd not made use of the falsehood it could so easily have happened. And with Manky Jon listening intently at work I could only imagine his reaction if I had done so. Payback my friend will be sweet.
But what to do about it? Part of me felt that I should actually be annoyed but most of me saw it in hilarious light. And I wracked my brains how I could get him back. I thought about pretending that my boss had picked me up on the fact and that I had been suspended. Then I thought about pretending a listener had written in to complain. But neither would work because Mank had listened to the game and knew I hadn't actually said it. So instead I emailed him this.
From: Jon Norman
Sent: Thursday, December 18, 2008 5:07 PM
To: Jon Saunders
Hey mate, what was the name of the Stockport dude who owns a chain of florists? I've got a big bet with someone at work. But can't remember the name of the player.
---------------------
There was no response until I got into the work the next day when this was waiting for me.
---------------------
From: jonpsaunders@hotmail.comTo: mailto:jonno_norman@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2008 17:47:10
What, Michael Rose? I hope you didn't bet too much... it was actually a small bit of misinformation in order to mildly amuse myself and see if you'd read it out on air.
hahahahaha!!!!
(you now think I'm a cock, don't you?)
----------------------
Knowing Mank as I do (he is a cock) I was sure he'd been sweating on this a little bit. Unsure of my reaction. So I thought I'd try and drag it out a little more by pretending I'd not read his email properly.
----------------------
From: jonno_norman@hotmail.comTo: jonpsaunders@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2008 10:41:24 +0000
Michael Rose that's it. Cheers dude! In a dash. Will send you a (very small) percentage of my (£100!) winnings when I get them. Cheerio!
------------------------
Fast forward a few hours and no reply. No text from Mank. Nothing. So I thought I'd add to the scenario with another follow up.
------------------------
From: jonno_norman@hotmail.comTo: jonpsaunders@hotmail.com
Subject: RE
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:01:24
Hey dude, just read your email properly. Are you serious? Were you joking with me? Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
------------------------
By now he was either beside himself with worry, desperately trying to get £100 together to pay my betting debt or just out at lunch without a care in the world and with complete disregard for my long winded attempt to get him back somewhat.
The weekend came and went with still no reply. What a pussweed. And so this morning I sent one more email over to him.
From: Jon Norman
Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 11:02 AM
To: Jon Saunders
Subject: RE:
Oi chieftain! Answer me! I know you're out there..............
and finally he replied.
From: jonpsaunders@hotmail.com
To: jonno_norman@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: RE:
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:40:56 +0000
hahaha
I suppose this makes me chief of the week, doesn't it?
---------------------
Not quite the groveling apology I was expecting. Nor the teary plea begging for forgiveness. But it'll do. And as for whether it made him Chief of the week - which was a weekly competition we held in our house in our second year of University. The person who acted out of turn would have their crime written up and posted on the living room wall. Well yes, yes it does. Funny though it is. I'll be sure to watch out next time I cover a Stockport County match. And at the rate they're going this season that might be next season if they make back to The Championship.
I may have mentioned it in a previous post that there's a Jonathan Norman out there who was sent to prison after he was found guilty of planning to rape Steven Spielburg. Spookily there was also a John Norman whose love of cricket meant he recorded Garfield Sobers world famous six sixes in an over. And then there's me. The one who appears when you type in the words Jon Norman talkSPORT.
Several pages come up where my name is mentioned alongside my cricket reporting work. There's a couple of links to the talkSPORT unofficial page. There's even an interview with Steve Morgan, my former producer on Ian Wright's Drivetime Show where he jokily refers to me being his tea-boy. All of which I've seen in the past.
However the other day I had another look and found something quite unexpected. Something new that I hadn't come across before. Something very recent. Something by somebody I have known for a very long time.
It was a conversation on a lower league football clubs messageboard between four or five fans looking ahead to the weekend's game. A match to be reported on for talkSPORT by me. The game in question took place last month between Southend & Stockport County.
As my old Uni friend Manky Jon is a lifelong Stockport fan I thought I'd tap him for some info in the build up to the game. And he duly obliged with an indepth guide to the team's fortunes, the players to look out for and even included some useful info about the club. The kind of info only a true fan knows. Or pretends to.
....."Michael Rose is a skilful fullback who has the ability to score some rude free kicks. He is also a keen horticulturist and has a chain of local florists"......
All good stuff and I took all this on board and went to the game fully prepared for any eventuality. I was slightly concerned that my Southend knowledge was lacking somewhat. If needed how would it be possible to compare the off field business affairs of the home players with that of their northern opponents? But I looked forward to using a couple of the snippets I'd been handed.
As it was the situation where I could have mentioned Michael Rose's entrepreunereal skills failed to materialise and it proved to be a faily uneventful 1-1 draw. Indeed it's unlikely the game will ever warrant anything more than a couple of lines in an end of season review. And it had started to slip from my mind when I stumbled upon this Stockport messageboard.
I was smiling throughout until I read the final line.
2. I may have given him a little bit - just a little tiny bit - of misinformation to see if he'll use it. Stuff like Michael Rose is a keen horticulturalist and owns a string of florists...
------------------------
Ha ha! Cheeky bastardo. It appears my trustworthy nature had been taken advantage of. Although thankfully I'd not made use of the falsehood it could so easily have happened. And with Manky Jon listening intently at work I could only imagine his reaction if I had done so. Payback my friend will be sweet.
But what to do about it? Part of me felt that I should actually be annoyed but most of me saw it in hilarious light. And I wracked my brains how I could get him back. I thought about pretending that my boss had picked me up on the fact and that I had been suspended. Then I thought about pretending a listener had written in to complain. But neither would work because Mank had listened to the game and knew I hadn't actually said it. So instead I emailed him this.
From: Jon Norman
Sent: Thursday, December 18, 2008 5:07 PM
To: Jon Saunders
Hey mate, what was the name of the Stockport dude who owns a chain of florists? I've got a big bet with someone at work. But can't remember the name of the player.
---------------------
There was no response until I got into the work the next day when this was waiting for me.
---------------------
From: jonpsaunders@hotmail.comTo: mailto:jonno_norman@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2008 17:47:10
What, Michael Rose? I hope you didn't bet too much... it was actually a small bit of misinformation in order to mildly amuse myself and see if you'd read it out on air.
hahahahaha!!!!
(you now think I'm a cock, don't you?)
----------------------
Knowing Mank as I do (he is a cock) I was sure he'd been sweating on this a little bit. Unsure of my reaction. So I thought I'd try and drag it out a little more by pretending I'd not read his email properly.
----------------------
From: jonno_norman@hotmail.comTo: jonpsaunders@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2008 10:41:24 +0000
Michael Rose that's it. Cheers dude! In a dash. Will send you a (very small) percentage of my (£100!) winnings when I get them. Cheerio!
------------------------
Fast forward a few hours and no reply. No text from Mank. Nothing. So I thought I'd add to the scenario with another follow up.
------------------------
From: jonno_norman@hotmail.comTo: jonpsaunders@hotmail.com
Subject: RE
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:01:24
Hey dude, just read your email properly. Are you serious? Were you joking with me? Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
------------------------
By now he was either beside himself with worry, desperately trying to get £100 together to pay my betting debt or just out at lunch without a care in the world and with complete disregard for my long winded attempt to get him back somewhat.
The weekend came and went with still no reply. What a pussweed. And so this morning I sent one more email over to him.
From: Jon Norman
Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 11:02 AM
To: Jon Saunders
Subject: RE:
Oi chieftain! Answer me! I know you're out there..............
and finally he replied.
From: jonpsaunders@hotmail.com
To: jonno_norman@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: RE:
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:40:56 +0000
hahaha
I suppose this makes me chief of the week, doesn't it?
---------------------
Not quite the groveling apology I was expecting. Nor the teary plea begging for forgiveness. But it'll do. And as for whether it made him Chief of the week - which was a weekly competition we held in our house in our second year of University. The person who acted out of turn would have their crime written up and posted on the living room wall. Well yes, yes it does. Funny though it is. I'll be sure to watch out next time I cover a Stockport County match. And at the rate they're going this season that might be next season if they make back to The Championship.
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
Mark always delivers
It's 62 days until I arrive in Kingston, Jamaica. And despite the slightly unnerving fact that Kingston 'boasts' over 1,500 murders every year I'm looking forward to my third cricket tour.
The Windies Tour takes in four different countries and promises to be as far removed from the tranquility of Hamilton & Napier as, no doubt, from next winter's tour to South Africa. It's one of the benefits of following cricket that you take in such differing cultures.
However I'm not sure I'll make it over to South Africa next winter. Funds will have to be directed towards more mundane expenses. A house for instance. And then there's The Ashes Tour 2010 to plan for......
But for now my attention is firmly locked on the six weeks set to be spent in Jamaica, Antigua, Barbados, Trinidad and Tobago. My old Barmy Army travelling partners Mark, Danny and Nathan will once again be reunited. Although for the first couple of Tests it'll just be me and Mark and if I needed any further reason to look forward to spending some time with my old buddy I found it yesterday when he sent a catch-up email detailing a mishap he suffered whilst on postman duty in Germany.
.....Had an accident at work last week and tripped over a sewage grid that was sticking out. was going downhill at a fast rate as well and my hands were full with post. injured both hands (nothing broke - thank god) but am a bit helpless. should be back at work on thursday. am still a clumsy dickhead eh?......
Yes, yes you are my friend. And I can't wait to see you in action in February.
The Windies Tour takes in four different countries and promises to be as far removed from the tranquility of Hamilton & Napier as, no doubt, from next winter's tour to South Africa. It's one of the benefits of following cricket that you take in such differing cultures.
However I'm not sure I'll make it over to South Africa next winter. Funds will have to be directed towards more mundane expenses. A house for instance. And then there's The Ashes Tour 2010 to plan for......
But for now my attention is firmly locked on the six weeks set to be spent in Jamaica, Antigua, Barbados, Trinidad and Tobago. My old Barmy Army travelling partners Mark, Danny and Nathan will once again be reunited. Although for the first couple of Tests it'll just be me and Mark and if I needed any further reason to look forward to spending some time with my old buddy I found it yesterday when he sent a catch-up email detailing a mishap he suffered whilst on postman duty in Germany.
.....Had an accident at work last week and tripped over a sewage grid that was sticking out. was going downhill at a fast rate as well and my hands were full with post. injured both hands (nothing broke - thank god) but am a bit helpless. should be back at work on thursday. am still a clumsy dickhead eh?......
Yes, yes you are my friend. And I can't wait to see you in action in February.
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